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I suppose that in someone's eyes, we are indeed yuppie scum, even though we aren't mortgaged into the next millennium and have a 17-year-old car. And it is true that various state and federal governments are actually going to send us a nice sum of income tax refund checks (that's 3 - count 'em, three).

But people, is it really worth the cost? Today I sat down to do our taxes. I felt as though I were caught in windows-sprouting screen popcorn. Uncle Sam asks - how much did you pay in state taxes? Thought I was going to start with the IRS, but I guess I'll be starting with Georgia. But no, they need to know what our Illinois taxes amount to. No, not really the amount, just the taxable percentage of the total gross income. Illinois wants to know what credit you're going to take for taxes paid to other jurisdictions. Oh, and by the way, before you can figure out your tax, we need to know how much you're claiming for the property tax credit. What's one of their questions? What's your Illinois tax liability? Sheesh - I thought that was what I was trying to figure out!

Imagine my dismay when I find out that actually, when the US asks what state taxes you paid, they seem to be talking about how much you paid in payroll deductions. Oops. Well, Turbo Tax or no Turbo Tax, this is a lousy job. Electronic filing and fast refunds aren't all that much of an incentive. The cool factor will wear off so quickly that it will suck the bad vibes of the actual tax form preparation into the immediate present. I'll be whiplashed (is that a verb?) by my own hard work. Which ought to be tax-deductible, if you ask me.

WASHINGTON, DC. (Rooters) - Consolidating his hold on the government, President Bush (the new one, not the old one) today unveiled the new $200 bill. Bush said, "Once we close all of the environment and health divisions of the government, and eliminate all those nasty regulations, American businesses will have higher profits. To help the people who really count in American business - the oil barons, government officials, and so on - to carry much all that extra money in their wallets, we are introducing this new bill. Just think, instead of having to carry 50 $100 bills, our friends will only have to carry 25 of the new $200 bills. They will be more comfortable as they fly from Washington to Argentina, or wherever they might choose to retire. And of course it has my picture on it which will make Mommy happy."

(See the real story as reported by Reuters and posted at Yahoo.)

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