halloween conversation

The druid labs Halloween 2000 party featured "Slim" and "None" greeting the guests on the front porch. The sign over their heads is a take-off on two Whose Line Is It Anyway? improvisation games ("Only Questions" and "Alphabetical Sentences") with a running commentary by a couple of sportscasters.

Slim is wearing a chic little number from Trenton State College (now called The College of New Jersey). Boldly emblazoned, it declares to the world that the owner is a porpoise.

None, on the other hand, is sucking up to the polizia by wearing his support for the New Jersey State Police.

Are you really a cop?

A decent start to the game.

Because I'm wearing this shirt?

A smooth play, melding a segue with this question.

Could I be any plainer?

Mostly lame.

Do you mean your face or your attitude?

Nice but pointless reply from the New York Method. One can almost hear the "Yo."

Ever say anything nice?

A bit whiny, but at least it's marginally on topic.

Feel like a banana?

Huh?

Got one?

Given the opening, this is just about as good as it gets. Smooth.

Huh?

One starts to actually feel like a banana.

Is that all you can say?

The Uppity Mom Method as taught at Chicago's Second City. It'll probably score a B-. But light years ahead of the previous exchange.

Jerking me around, are you?

Bordering on the banal. The judges will have to deduct some points here.

Kind of annoying, isn't it?

Touchy, this use of the vernacular grammar. Still, quite legal.

Like you don't know?

Another New York Method stock favorite.

Maybe you'd like to step outside?

He swings and it's a hit!

Notice that we are outside?

Here we see some excellent fielding.

Outside?

He's picked off at first!

Perhaps you're a parrot?

Seemingly non sequitur yet brilliantly playing on the previous exchanges. We miss the baseball analogies, but as Jimmy Dugan says, "There's no crying in baseball."

Quite a pickle, isn't it?

There's a limited number of choices here and none are ever likely to fit, so why not just generate randomly? Not a point in the game where scores are generally awarded or deducted.

Ready to fight?

Obviously a novice response, with great energy and reserves, but little maturity. Still, it's direct and uncluttered.

Since when do you know what a fight is?

Stock response "Since when?" but a good reference follows it up. Very positive on the whole.

This isn't a fight already?

A coherent, continued thread of three. The writers have achieved consciousness and we got to make some clever alliteration.

Using which definition?

Scholarly, fresh, insouciant. Effervescent. But enough about us.

Variable winds aloft?

The equivalent of whiplash. This is sure to hurt the score.

Which planet are you from?

With such vast choices here, so sad to find such flaccid fare. [giggle]

X-chromosome deficient, are you?

A time-honored phrasing, but the judges may see it as a stretch with regards to pronunciation.

You talking to me?

One actually hears De Niro as Travis Bickle in yet another New York Method cliché. Still, in keeping with the pugilistic exchange.

Zilch brain cells today, pal?

Decisive, plus a large dose of closure at this troublesome point in the game. Extra points for poignancy.

Are you really a cop? A decent start to the game.	Because I'm wearing this shirt? A smooth play, melding a segue with this question.
Could I be any plainer? Mostly lame.	Do you mean your face or your attitude? Nice but pointless reply from the New York Method. One can almost hear the "Yo."
Ever say anything nice? A bit whiny, but at least it's marginally on topic.	Feel like a banana? Huh?
Got one? Given the opening, this is just about as good as it gets. Smooth.	Huh? One starts to actually feel like a banana.
Is that all you can say? The Uppity Mom Method as taught at Chicago's Second City. It'll probably score a B-. But light years ahead of the previous exchange.	Jerking me around, are you? Bordering on the banal. The judges will have to deduct some points here.
Kind of annoying, isn't it? Touchy, this use of the vernacular grammar. Still, quite legal.	Like you don't know? Another New York Method stock favorite.
Maybe you'd like to step outside? He swings and it's a hit!	Notice that we are outside? Here we see some excellent fielding.
Outside? He's picked off at first!	Perhaps you're a parrot? Seemingly non sequitur yet brilliantly playing on the previous exchanges. We miss the baseball analogies, but as Jimmy Dugan says, "There's no crying in baseball."
Quite a pickle, isn't it? There's a limited number of choices here and none are ever likely to fit, so why not just generate randomly? Not a point in the game where scores are generally awarded or deducted.	Ready to fight? Obviously a novice response, with great energy and reserves, but little maturity. Still, it's direct and uncluttered.
Since when do you know what a fight is? Stock response "Since when?" but a good reference follows it up. Very positive on the whole.	This isn't a fight already? A coherent, continued thread of three. The writers have achieved consciousness and we got to make some clever alliteration.
Using which definition? Scholarly, fresh, insouciant. Effervescent. But enough about us.	Variable winds aloft? The equivalent of whiplash. This is sure to hurt the score.
Which planet are you from? With such vast choices here, so sad to find such flaccid fare. [giggle]	X-chromosome deficient, are you? A time-honored phrasing, but the judges may see it as a stretch with regards to pronunciation.
You talking to me? One actually hears De Niro as Travis Bickle in yet another New York Method cliché. Still, in keeping with the pugilistic exchange.	Zilch brain cells today, pal? Decisive, plus a large dose of closure at this troublesome point in the game. Extra points for poignancy.